Moving Forward

almost every time i come here i would have the tendency to want to tell the world about how different a person i am now compared to when i first started this blog. there is just always so much to say about how much i have been through but (i think) i am convinced the world already knows that.

i have learnt a lot in the past 14 days. many a times i felt like ending my life right there and then, especially when confining myself in a room which carried too many memories, memories too hard to live with. not knowing if i would find my happiness again, i often yelled in frustration when i could not comprehend the logic of my predicaments. but being put to a test where my maturity and mentality were tested, i'd like to believe i came out of it bearing more perseverance than before. having said that, i am beyond grateful for the things that i have now, particularly this one life that is dear to me. i have come out of this 14 days with a change in the way this mind operates, whether slight or vast, though the bitter inner thoughts that hate my happiness struggle hard to overpower sometimes.

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there have been a lot of different emotions encountered since the last time i left a mark here. i have no particular reason for my existence here today, but if i have to pick one (or more) it may be because of this familiar feeling of being home alone, reading a book by a slightly more than familiar author with the evening sun fighting to shine through the curtains. it is undeniable that a lot of things have changed since i last wrote here. i am now a different person. i am no longer the same in many ways, more than i would dare admit. like how i do not understand anymore why this blog is pink in colour. was there not a better colour to choose from? however i am in a better place now, where dreams can be pursued and fairy tales may just come true. i am in a place where hope is more present than before, where love is more fragrant than before. having said that, i do not promise that this is a place where you will come out from rejoicing, neither do i promise any speck of hope at all. though with the passage of time i may have become what i call a happier person, more often than not this is a place where words will speak of disappointments and confusion just like before. then again i just said i have changed.

Everybody is afraid.

Transitions

Prints. There are two types of people in the world - people who leave their marks in our lives even when they are gone, and people who simply don't. As we walk around in shopping malls, we bump into people we think are still our friends. But when we walk past them, they give us a brief look, then look away. Not that they don't know us anymore, but it is simply because we are no longer that significant in their lives today that they feel the need to acknowledge us. Then we wonder - did that really just happen? But there are also certain people who are so vivid in our lives, that it is just impossible to forget them (and the same otherwise). Somehow deep inside, we know that whatever happens next, be it good or bad, we will never forget them, we will never want to. These kind of people are present everywhere, I believe. We just have to search deeper and take the extra mile to develop relationships like that. But we should also know that when these relationships end badly, they hurt most. I, I felt that way recently.

Up

Everybody hurts. No matter how hard you try to cover up, it doesn't work. No matter how tough you look on the outside, it doesn't work. One of the things I've learnt lately is that it is okay to show people you are hurting. Don't hold it in for ego's sake. Don't hold it in for reputation's sake. I love expressive people. I love people who aren't afraid to show what they are feeling. They seem so real, so genuine. If everyone would just realize that expressing yourself is something good, even when you are hurting, it would be easier to befriend people, comfort people, love people. Show your true colours loves, it is about time the world sees them.

As They Paint It To Be

You could be the better half of me, babyboy. :) I will love you, always and forever. I promise.

So yea, I hate maths.

The Waves Still Come

So we all have had this one moment when we had everything planned out. We all think to ourselves, this is going to go great, this is going to work out. But one day something happens and we finally realize that things don't always work out as we expect. But the irony is, we still continue expecting and planning for our future, our dreams, our goals, our lives ahead of us - the things we are going to accomplish in a certain period, the person we are going to commit to or marry, the grades we are going to get, the places we are going to go. I guess what they say is true, the greater the hope, the greater the despair. Yet, we still plan. We still expect. And we still fail. The cycle repeats countless times in our lives and that is when disappointment and heartaches seep in. Then, we also come to realize that things that once seem so vivid and clear now start to fade, they slowly become vague. But in that great moment of despair still lies a tiny speck of hope. And suddenly that little hope takes over and becomes just enough for us to pull through.

My God is so big,
So strong and so mighty,
My God is so big,
So strong and so mighty,
My God is so big,
So strong and so mighty,
There's nothing my God cannot do,
For you.

"I understand women."

"There's no man alive who could honestly say those words and mean them. It just isn't possible, so there's no use trying. But that doesn't mean you can't love them anyway. And that doesn't mean you should ever stop doing your best to let them know how important they are to you."

My head is throbbing. I know I need some rest, but it's not right.